The joke is told of a physician and a lawyer who happen to be sitting together on a beach vacationing when a beautiful woman walks by. The physician comments, “Boy, wouldn’t you like to screw her?” And the lawyer asks, “Out of what?”  Exactly. These two professions are the antithesis of each other and the lawyers are currently winning.

I have a very dear patient who has been unable to care for himself well enough to live alone. He now comfortably resides at an adult-care residence. His health has deteriorated due to Multiple Sclerosis and unfortunately, now a cerebral vascular accident. But John (Doe) is doing just fine. He falls every now and then due to his difficulty ambulating from the above disease states that have taken a toll on his body, as you can imagine.

Due to the fear of lawyers making something out of nothing, and their desire to “screw” somebody out of something–as the joke went, the paper trail instigated by each of these falls is shameful. Every time John slips and falls, a report must be initiated by a nurse that should be spending her career helping patients rather than writing reports. That report must then be faxed to my office where another nurse must receive it and place it upon my desk. I must read the report, sign it– verifying that I now know that John has fallen once again–even though these all say, “A non-injury fall.”

My nurse must then re-fax the signed report back to the adult-care residence where their nurse must re-sign the report and place it in John’s precious file. And for what? Has John received any better care after all this? Did anybody benefit from all the work that has been done to “CYA?” That’s it. I am not vacationing with any lawyers from now on.