Just kidding. I wasn’t really raptured as I was writing this blog. Damn it. I had all my hopes placed in these religious people who said that the rapture was going to happen this weekend and now what am I supposed to do?

I had gone down and bought a new Cadillac, didn’t make my mortgage payment, and told my mother-in-law a thing or two. I figured, what the heck, I am not going to be around anyway. But as always, some prophetic idiot turned out to be an idiot as most of us real Christians had already prophesied.

Seems to me these people just can’t–or don’t–read their Bible. Matthew 24:6 and Mark 13:32 both say, “NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT THAT DAY OR HOUR, NOT EVEN THE ANGELS IN HEAVEN, NOR THE SON, BUT ONLY THE FATHER.” That pretty much spells it out don’t you think? And if God the Father won’t even tell His Son Jesus Christ, then He sure isn’t going to tell some weird, self-proclaiming prophet disguised as a demented civil engineer from, of all places, Oakland,California.

So, it’s back to work for me today. I’ll take the new car back at noon and make up something about how it just doesn’t run right, pay the late fee on my mortgage payment, and swallow some crow for the mother-in-law. But I am not going to believe any of these self-made prophets ever again.

Wait, maybe I just got left behind?  Hello? Is anyone out there? Hello? Anybody? Bueller?