I am fortunate enough as a physician to do a little traveling by airplane. I mean, it beats moving across the country in a covered wagon. And I must admit that I am a cheapskate when it comes to paying airfares. I buy the cheapest fare available, even if it means traveling on a redeye at midnight.  Maybe I am used to being up on call too often. Maybe I have learned to sleep in multiple contortions anyway. So why not?  

I do admit that I have a little envy however, when I pass those seats at the front of the plane that seem a little wider than the others. I hear that they serve ice-cream sundaes and champagne behind that little curtain too. At least I saw that on a Seinfield episode once. But what it costs to get that little extra space and the extra treats just never seemed worth it.

Until last week, I hadn’t figured a way to get the rate down either. And I don’t purchase enough crap to earn mileage on any credit card scheme. Enter one of my medical partner’s patient. She decided to use a method of disability we had never heard of in 45 years of combined practice. And that’s saying something.

My partner received a request to write a letter as his patient’s medical doctor stating that the airline needed to provide her first-class seating for the usual price of coach BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO OBESE TO FIT IN THE REGULAR AIRPLANE SEAT!   

Well, excuse me. Sorry if we weren’t there to slap your hand every time you reached for a twinkie over the last 30 years of your life. Why don’t you save up all the money you would have spent over the last month on fast food and buy a first-class seat the old fashioned way, by paying for it? I thought that I heard of everything.