My friend just bought a carfin. You know, one of those new contraptions “cars” that are so small that only the driver and their lunch box fit. Well, not really. Some people can also squeeze their German Shepherd dog in as long as it sits on the driver’s lap like I see in every other car that I would like to run off the road. I jest, of course. I wouldn’t want to hurt the poor dog. It’s not their fault that their owner is an idiot.

These carfins are awesome, as long as you have no more pride left, and can be used to not only provide cheap transportation but can also be used as a coffin (this is why I’m coining the word “carfin”) when they hit anything larger than a ten-speed bicycle.

Pretty soon they’ll have their own carfin clubs and every other weekend there will be a fleet of them coming to your town just like the vintiques. We’ll all go to the fairgrounds and pay money to look at how ridiculous man’s ingenuity can really get, pick up our free tin of chewing tobacco, and put money down on our future grave sites. Won’t that all be so nice and convenient?

Be sure to leave your dog at home however. There are cruelty to animal laws.